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Today sux

Woke up to the mess and the reality of what is happening and I am hating life today.  I feel ashamed and like I am letting or will let my kids down.  I have sold off parts of their childhood and now I hate myself for it.  I’m so sick of trying and trying and hoping we are making a good decision for our life and then finding out later it was all a waste of time and we are back at ground zero.    I look around at all the picked through crap still sitting after the sale and see a mess of an existence.  My little people are gone, my LP’s and record player, the art off the walls is all gone, Jason’s Thomas trains that he loved so much and I promised I would keep for his kids to play with.  I wish I knew what to do.  I feel like I should just suck it up and we should have rented the place that wanted to charge us an arm and leg for a NON refundable pet deposit and the kids would have stayed in their schools.  We would still struggle but they would have normalcy.  Now I can’t even find a rental in our area.  I am scared and tired of making mistakes!!!!  And now Jimmy and I are telling the whole damn world about it too.  Now everyone can know what losers we are.

I am afraid of ending up stranded somewhere.  I wanted a spot to call home, and stability, forever.  That was my dream, that is what this house was supposed to be.  I never had stability growing up and all I desperately wanted for my kids was a stable, happy home and childhood so they don’t have to be like us as adults.  I don’t want them screwed up like me and a middle age loser with nothing.

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A Hard Days Night

I should have written last night because I was positive and had lots to say about how gung-ho and excited I was, and how we are choosing not to be victims, and yada yada.  Today I am worn out and not so uppity.  But procrastination is a big issue with me and even by skipping a day I feel like I have left out a good moment I should have shared.  It will return and then I will write all about it.  But I need to stop procrastinating.  I think that is a big part of this whole purge and cleanse.  I can not believe how many things I had waiting around for “someday”.  Half sewn items, half painted pictures, pictures waiting for frames and frames waiting for pictures.  I wonder what that is all about?  I think, I’ll think about it later……;)

I’m trying to work on the sharing, both the good and the bad and also not procrastinating on the blog.  So, even if this post isn’t exciting, at least it is real and down on “paper”.

Peace & Love

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Beginnings of the purge

Today I officially made the ad on craigslist for our Estate Sale. Already gotten calls and officially made the first sale –  60 never listened to CD’s for $25 – YAY!!! And so it begins. I wish I had known we were doing this sooner because I could have made a killing on some of this stuff on ebay. I did manage to list some cool vintage Disney Books with Records since I saw they were selling pretty high in lots.   Anyone, remember those?  They were the hot thing in the late 70’s early 80’s, before the wonders of the internet and endless cartoons on every channel, we would read books and listen to the book being read from a little record player.   Aaahhhh, goodtimes!   I will miss the Fisher Price Little People toys too.  They bring back memories from my childhood and both my boys early years.  I can’t mess with selling them on ebay and all the shipping so in the sale they go.

So, Jimmy has made some videos and poured his heart out to the world.  I love him so much, and it is hard to see the defeat in his eyes.  I know we will make it, we’ve gone through worse and only been stronger for it.   I think this purge of nonsense will take such a load off our backs, even if it is cool nonsense to us.  My far, far away dream is to own a thrift store someday, so I know we’ll get it all back one day if it meant to be ours.  But for now we hold onto each others hearts and the grace of God to lead us on our destiny.

The responses we have been getting from friends and family around the country has been so supportive.  I am almost getting excited to hit the road just so we can stop and visit friends and family we haven’t seen in years.   I hope being so honest about this doesn’t bite us in the butt, I am usually pretty quiet on facebook.  But like Jimmy said it makes us feel a lot better.  We know we are not alone.  Thank you for taking the time to read and God Bless!

 

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We’ve really LOST it now!

Time to move our dreams along.  I guess I’ll start out by admitting we tried the game of life and failed.  But I actually feel pretty good about it.  We are still relatively young and have time to start fresh.  I am a 35 year old mom and my husband is a 34 year old master carpenter, we have 2 great boys (7 & 11) and 1 dog and 3 cats.  There is the nutshell version of our family.

Back in 2003 we moved from Connecticut to Missouri with our then 3 year old son.  It was great out here for a while.  Work was plentiful, bills were low, kids were happy, and we had the hopeful feeling we could attain the American dream.  Jim finally hit it big with a salaried superintendent job for a builder.  In doing so built us a house in a cute sub-development.  We moved in December 27, 2007.  Ahhh – we had made our dreams come true, or so we thought.

Flash to the following year, Jim’s boss decides he is getting divorced and closing the business – Boom – just like that.  So for the past 3.5 years it has been struggle, and scraping, and slowly falling further and further behind, so now we will loose the house.  Jobs are scarce, bills are high, and mom & dad are not happy.

I cried, and bitched but ya know what I’m over it!  And now we will let God take control of our lives.

We are selling EVERYTHING and buying a motor home.  Yeah for real!  Screw it, time to make a new American dream.  If we can’t have a spot to call home we will make the whole country our home.  We have more crap then any family could ever need.  It’s embarrassing really to see all the unfinished projects and collections of stuff we have acquired in our 13 years as a family.  Who needs 500 national geographic from 1940-1960?  Why does my husband have a collection of vintage video games he never plays?  And don’t get me started on the books, holy crap the books.  I have keepsakes from when I was 11, and saved greeting cards from years past, a Harry Potter collection to make any geek jealous, LP’s and record player, on and on and on.  They all sit in boxes, and have for years.  What the hell is the point?  To someday have a library, to show our grandkids, whatever the excuse.  I’m done!  We will purge our life of all this materialistic nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I will have a hard time parting with many of the thousands of “cool”, memory inducing objects.  And lets not forget the objects of convenience we take for granted, like the numerous kitchen gadgets just taking up space waiting for that one time you want to make jello in the shape of a tree.  But who needs it?  Like I said before time to purge!

So there ya have it we have LOST it and LOST it!  And I think in the end my family will be better off for it all being gone.